Her heels of ruby red clacked melodically as she strode down the concrete sidewalk, light as always, as though her small frame had been caught in one of the mid-autumn gusts which whirled about the streets, and rustled softly through the golden trees. It had been a long time since she had walked these familiar roads, years in fact, and yet everything seemed to be just as she had left it. The old brick houses, the dreary British sky above, and to her left, the store from which she remembered so long ago cheekily stealing a scarf that she had quite fancied. Where that scarf was now she did not know. She guessed she'd given it away some time ago. She never kept clothes for too long, she always loved giving them away once she'd outworn them, setting them free into the world so that they could live out some fantastical adventure in exotic lands. She imagined now, that knitted wool scarf, twirled around the neck of some beautifully elegant woman, in France perhaps? Yes, France she decided. She could picture her now, sitting on her balcony, a fragile china teacup balanced between her thumb and forefinger, long black hair blowing gently in the wind. How romantic she thought. She'd always wanted to go to France. That would be her next destination. Of course she'd been to a lot of foreign countries since she'd left. New York, Peru, Cambodia, Russia, she particularly enjoyed Japan. The outrageous clothes and colours had made her eyes bulge and her heart swell. She adored colours. Yellow was her favourite, and orange, and pink, anything bright and cheery that made her lips smile. How she loved to smile.
She couldn't wait to see Reuben, her little Reuben. She imagined he must be so big by now and just as greedy as ever. Her mum and dad would be so glad to see her also, she hoped. She felt guilty that she hadn't said goodbye, or that she'd not spoken to them since. She didn't mean to leave so unexpectedly, but she did. She had to do it. It's not like there was much to stay for anyway. No one had needed her. No one had wanted her. Not even him. Not even Sid...
At the thought of the boy she was once so in love with, her chest began to ache. Why had he not wanted her, what was wrong with her? Was she not as pretty enough? Not as pretty as Michelle? She was definitely thinner, that much gave her some satisfaction. She'd beat Michelle at that at least. She never did understand it, it's not like Michelle had wanted him back anyway, why didn't he see that, why didn't he see how much SHE wanted him. NEEDED him. Her head became flustered. Why was she thinking of this again? After all these years, after all the distance she'd put between them so as to forget the boy who broke her heart, it seemed as though coming back home meant coming back to heartache.
She shook her head, long wavy tresses of gold tousled about her shoulders as she did so and fell still about her face. She looked into a shop window as she passed, her reflection looking back at her. She hadn't changed much she supposed. Her hair was still the same blonde if only slightly longer and slightly wilder. She dressed much the same, a vintage yellow dress with touches of lace, hung off her petite body. Not much protection from the slight chill in the autumn air. She knew she should have worn her cardigan. Thick white tights adorned her legs which disappeared into her ruby red heels. She was just a tiny as always. No weight lost, but no weight gained either. She was pleased about this. She imagined the others would not be if they could see her now. Especially not Sid. He never did like it when she starved herself. Not that she needed to worry herself with such thoughts now, the others were all long gone, just like she herself had been up until now. No need to concern herself with thoughts of awkward encounters or explanations of where she'd been for the last four years. They wouldn't care anyway. They'd probably forgotten all about her, moved on with their new and exciting lives filled with new and exciting people. She couldn’t help but wonder what had become of them all. Where they were now, what they had become. Especially him...
She continued on down the streets she once called home, her light brown eyes drinking in all the memories which surrounded her. Lost in her own thoughts of nostalgia she came to a sudden halt. At first she stood confused, unsure as to why she had stopped, then regaining her focus she looked at the small diner before her and she knew. She had been there so many times before. Rarely did she eat a meal there though. She preferred to sit and observe the people around her, going about their lives. Eating their cheeseburgers and fries, drowned in ketchup, without a care. Without guilt. She would sit, and watch, and wish. Then when she could watch no more she would leave. Only a salt and ketchup smile remaining at the table which she had sat. She also remembered the times she’d spent there with her beloved Sid. She pressed her face to the diner window, hand held above her eyes to shield them from the stinging glare which reflected off the smeared glass. It looked just as it always had. It was as if it could have been for years ago, and for a moment, she revelled in the thought. Her favourite memory flooded her mind, the kiss she had shared here with Sid. It wasn’t their first kiss, but it was her favourite.
She scanned the room, her target being the table at which her cherished memory occurred but as she reached her destination her eyes landed upon a face. That face. That face which made her heart begin to pound. What was he doing here? He wasn’t supposed to be here… She panicked. But only briefly, as those thoughts were wiped blank when she saw that face that she had loved so much, lean over, and saw those lips, soft and pink, kiss another’s that were not her own. And in that instant, her pounding heart broke into a million tiny shards which pierced her whole chest and left her breathless.
