Relishing in her small moment of freedom, Bella decided to partake in one of her favourite pastimes - people watching. Noticing the small park bench a few metres away she casually strolled over, briefly soaking up her surroundings.
There were the usual carnivorous single moms desperately vying for the attention of the newly divorced yet doting father and she swore she heard an utterance of 'mmmmm fresh meat'. Shuddering, Bella turned her attention elsewhere to the small sandbox. In particular, the small blonde haired girl pulling the hand of a cute dark haired boy. Smiling in content, Bella remembered the ease of life at that age. One shy toothless grin with an offering of a lollipop and he was smitten with you.
"Bella! I knew I'd find you here, I cant believe you just left me back there with those guys" Alice complained.
"Really Ali? It was hard to notice your discomfort with the amount of drool you oozed" Bella quipped. "Besides, it was near puke-inducing to watch you hang off his arm like that. You might as well have humped his leg"
"Oh pleeease. I wasn't that bad, you on the other hand took off like a bat out of hell. I'm surprised you didn't just blow your rape whistle"
Bella couldn't help but smirk. "Now that's what I want to see, a smile on your otherwise permanently sullen face" Alice noted.
"Yeah, yeah" she chortled, "Although it is a little concerning when your best friend who happens to be lesbian, and in a committed relationship decides to throw herself at the first muscled pork sword she sees"
"Once again your dysphemism astounds me. You know Bella, if you keep this up your going to die alone with nothing but your Titanic DVD to even remotely show your interest in the opposite sex."
"To be honest I'm actually entertaining the idea of a crazy cat lady"
"Seriously Bella stop, I'm trying to get you back out there. In fact, Iv even gone to the lengths of setting you up on a date for tonight. AND before you even start, no you're not pulling out, no I'm not telling you who it is and no way in hell are you dressing yourself up for tonight".
Alice beamed at Bella's grim expression. She was quite proud of herself actually, despite the anonymity of her chosen suitor. She wasn't going to mention that she had found the him on a dating website. His profile deemed him as safe, more importantly a possibility. Charles was from a small town, favoured quiet nights in over intoxicated fun and was the chief of something big but not important enough for her to remember the details. He was essentially the male embodiment of one Isabella Swan. Perfect. Snapping out of her small reverie, Ali noticed Bella's death glares. If only looks could kill.
"I'm not apologising for this Bella. This is the only time I'll ever do this, I swear. Now come on, let's go shopping for something slutty" she winked suggestively. Still scowling, Bella picked herself up off the bench and dragged her scuffed soles behind Alice's skipping form.
_____
4 hours later, they were holed up in Alice's apartment in preparation for Bella's big night. Rosalie had just arrived home to find her living room full of scattered shopping bags, strewn clothing, mismatched heels and an assortment of make up packaging on the floor. Signs she knew that Alice was playing Bella Barbie again. Making her way towards the bedroom, Bella was relentless in her protest at Ali's selection of garments.
"I can't wear this out Alice, its not even decent!"
"The whole point of this date is to get you laid"
"I thought this was about getting me back out in the dating scene"
"Well that too, but why not make the most of it?"
Chuckling, Rose decided to make herself known. "Ali sweetie, I love you, but if you let Bella leave like that I may have to get back on the dating scene"
Blushing, Bella found herself flattered. "Hey Rose, really think so?"
"Oh yeah. You'll take compliments from the blonde bombshell but not the one who slaved away for hours making you impeccable. Thanks." Alice ruefully mentioned.
"Okay, okay, I Bella Swan bestow my utmost appreciation in the toils of your labour to make thee ravishing"
Poking her tongue at Bella, "You're welcome. Now lets get your tush out the door, you're meeting your date in about an hour and the restaurant is on the other side of town. Your reservation is under Charles and don't forget to thank me tomorrow morning"
________
Pulling into the restaurant, Bella hopped out of the car and passed her keys to the valet. Taking a few deep breaths to calm herself down she slowly walked towards to the maitre d' and told him her reservation. Smiling, he led her to the other side of the restaurant where Bella quickly caught a glance at who her date was. Her face paled at what she saw quickly replaced by anger. Storming out of the restaurant, Bella began planning. "Oh Alice is definitely going to get thanked tomorrow morning" she muttered to herself.
Sitting at the table waiting for her, was Charlie. Her father.
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Your characters remind me of Samantha from sex in the city. I was eating tuna when I read the part about STI's. I lost my apitite.*blah*
ReplyDeleteNone the less it seems your story is going well. I have to agree about the randomness. Going from the first story to the opening "I'm a dog on heat"
In terms of constuctive feed back. Keep writing I am keen to see more. keep up the good work.
^ lol sorry about the loss of apetite
ReplyDeleteyeah im still unsure as to how im going to fix my story. i may just post up a completely new one since im fully blocked atm.
Well if thats what you're going to do. Perhaps you could keep the first paragraph. It was a good opening.
ReplyDeleteWhy is there a transition to second story? Is this a different scene? If so maybe a description of the scene so we can build a picture of where the dialogue is taking place.
If you keep updating I will keep commenting. I think you have something I know you can carry this story just add a scene. Perhaps there on their way to visiting another characters house? Party? Perhaps going shopping? at this point you can change your story into pretty much anything you want to.
I'm having a writing block to. Comment on the kindom conquet from the blog archieve on the right.
okay im going to update and scrap the second part of my story it wasnt so much as a new scene but more of a completely new storyline which is clearly failing.
ReplyDeleteI was writing my story then decided to have a break and read some of the stories posted and started with your story and made me wonder is this really that what woman think about when finding a date. I agree with Gareth very "sex in the city" keep up your good story...
ReplyDeletePfft Lol, can someone say "whose your daddy?"
ReplyDeleteNice story. I like how it nicely ends like a punch line to a joke. Not negative. The build up to her going out on a date ends with dan dan dah... Her Dad.
Very funny. It's a great improvement from the last story. I like how it smoothy roles. Characters feel alive which is great. Better than mine :(.
I think your storyline is definately very unique and was surprised by the unexpected twist at the end. I like the way you have written it in a different style to the original books/movies showing a lighter side to the characters instead of being so serious like they usually are.
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