Sunday, March 27, 2011

The Wonder Boy draft

In winter of 1930s in a small town far away from the busy cities there lived a family. An ordinary and simple family living in a time of hardship and living off the land. John was a farmer and the father of two children, married to Joanna his wife and childhood sweetheart. Mollie was the faithful and loyal dog.

Every morning without fail, seven days a week John would walk many miles from the house with his horse and cart and Mollie his loyal companion by his side. His wife every day would prepare breakfast for him and the children and often she would have to take John his lunch as he was always more concerned that the children had eaten.

As usual Sam could hear his mother calling him. “Come on Sam, get up its time for school” said his mother. Sam lay a little longer in bed and thought school was the last place he really wanted hurry up and go to.

Sam is twelve years old and attends the local community school with his sister Sara. She was two years younger than Sam and always looked up and admired her big brother, most of all because Sam possessed something special that no one else knew about except her and her parents.

There had always been something special between Sam and his mother. A bond and a way of speaking with one another without words.

There is a distance between home and the school they go to. One day on the way Sam and his sister meet another boy his name is Mathew.

On the way Sam suddenly stopped walking then his sister and Mathew slowed down and wondering why he stopped. As they looked up at the sky they saw dark clouds swirling above Sam is head.

“What’s happening Sara” yelled Mathew as he was feeling scared and shocked at what he was seeing.

“Don’t worry just be quiet” said Sara. This was not the first time Sara had seen something like this happening to her brother. She knew that her brother was extra ordinary kid and had super natural powers.

After short time the cloud disappeared from around Sam. “What happened Sara” said Mathew. “Don’t talk about it to anyone” said Sara. They kept walking to school as though nothing had happen.

At school Sam would spend most of his free time alone and away from the other kids. Even though he was doing well at school he didn’t want to be there. Sam had the ability to control the natural elements of nature. These being air, water, fire and earth. For him being at school only meant that he had to hide his power even when he was being bullied.
Charlie was known as a bully and angry kid amongst other kids. Every day he would pick on Sam by annoying him and calling him “the wonder boy”. Charlie was saying that because Sam was always setting alone and never playing with the others.

It was a terrible stormy weather when Joanna who was pregnant with Sam and was walking to take lunch to her husband working in the fields. Suddenly she found herself surrounded by swirling wind and dark clouds forming around her head. She heard a voice telling her that her baby when born will possess the power to control the elements of nature and was chosen to help mankind.

One day at school Charlie was picking on another kid by calling him names and pushed him down to the ground. Sam who was watching couldn’t sit and do nothing any longer. He stood up and yelled “stop Charlie”. Charlie looked at Sam and laughed saying, “what are you going to do about it?”

Sam didn’t say anything, but the ground beneath Charlie started to shake and vibrate like an earthquake and he fell to the ground. This was the first time that Sam had intervened and used his powers to show Charlie that he could hurt him badly if he continued doing this to others. Sam was disappointed that he had used his powers in this way. His mother had always taught him to only use his gift for the benefit of others, to protect them and not cause harm.

Sam ran quickly to the place he always goes to, to be by himself and to be alone. This place was very special to him since he was first taken there as a child by his mother.
Hidden in a mountain not far from his home was this place, a cave. In this place, a river flowed from a waterfall and he would regain his energy and his spirit would be lifted by listening to the wind.

5 comments:

  1. This is my first time to write fanfic I founded intersting.

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  2. hi there, is this a first draft?

    the plot line is a little scattered at times (you mention Joanna's pregnancy in the latter part of the story, it seems misplaced) and you have quite a few grammatical mistakes that need to be fixed up.

    e.g One day on the way Sam and his sister meet another boy his name is Mathew.


    i think if you focussed on developing Sam's character more you could get a solid story out of this. im quite interested in seeing more of Sam's special powers and how he achieved them.

    Other than that, keep updating and il be happy to watch how your story progresses

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  3. I have made some changes in my story and thanks for the comment.

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  4. I think the plot of your fanfic has alot of potential and would make an interesting story once developed further.

    The main way I think you could strengthen your fic would be by correcting your grammar and tense as sometimes this makes it hard to read and focus completely on the story.

    I agree with Courtenay when she says that the paragraph which flashes back to Joanna's pregnancy seems a little out of place. Perhaps if you introduced the flash back in a different way it would make it less confusing?

    I do like the way you are beginning to show and develop Sam's personality and especially liked the last two paragraphs as it shows Sam trying to deal with the conflict in his head and shows some of his vulnerability.

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  5. Thanks Lacey and Courtenay for the comments I appreciate it. I did make some changes and to be honest I wanted to change that paragraph about Joanna's pregnancy but couldn't introduce her in better way especially with the word limit.

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